Five things I must have for fall.

I was reading the New York Times yesterday, normally a source of news and information. There was an article on 5 essential things for Fall, and not wanting to be caught out without an umbrella or a new school notebook or something, I took a look.

First, a turtleneck.

Er, if there is a piece of clothing I just cannot abide, it’s the turtleneck sweater. Aside from doing nothing whatsoever to make me look good, their neck-binding/choking/strangling/stifling quality is a definite NO all year round. Cross that off and get a new shoulder bag to tote my lunch to work in, now the old one has unravelled so much.

Second, wide-leg corduroy pants.

For real! It’s a must-do once again to go shushing down the corridor to the sound of corduroy. But alright ; I admit, it’s not so much the fabric itself as the extraordinary price tag that makes these pants a must. I could get those pants, or do my entire month’s shopping instead. With nothing to eat, I’ll be able to walk silently around the office in my fabulous pants. Cross that off and get a guide to mushroom hunting so I can go out and collect the good ones without poisoning myself.

Third, Givenchy gold-band pumps.

Yes, I want to walk around au point all day. My feet will love me. My achilles tendons will never be the same. These are not meerly heels, they’re 6-inch heels. With a gold band across the top of the foot, naturally. I’ll put them next to my hiking boots in the closet, and we’ll see who wins. Cross that off and get some new swim goggles, ones that will keep the pool water away from my eyes, rather than trapping it next to them.

Fourth, Burberry’s mod coat.

Uh, Mod. Anything with "mod" in it should have been abandoned decades ago. The coat is clunky and ill-proportioned; the neon orange color reminiscent of some drug-soaked spring that I never experienced and see no need to. Yeck. Cross that off and get a collapsable umbrella that will actually hold up against a slight breeze.

And at last, a Miu Miu dress.

Now, this I could actually wear. "Austere 40’s chic." Not so bad, really. A nice drape to just below the knee, fitted but not draconian waist, beautiful print fabrics.

All set for fall shopping!